All posts tagged kid

• March 6, 2013

  Dating & Relationship Advice To My 13 Year Old Self

  

  

  Sometimes I wish someone actually sat me down as a kid and talked to me about dating and relationships.  Even though I was raised by my mother, I don’t ever recall her talking about either subjects, besides her saying, “You better not come home knocked up”.  Instead, I learned everything I knew at the time from Judy Blume, Jackie Collins and Danielle Steele. Yeah, not quite the holy grail of learning, but it was all I had. Blume taught me about menstruation and innocent crushes. Collins and Steele taught me about lust, love and the dangers that could arise from both. Life taught me the rest.

  Last week my 13 year old son came into my room, laid next to me on my bed and  placed his head on my shoulder. This is usually what he does when he wants something, so I was preparing myself for either of these questions:

  • Can I have another dog?
  • Can I get another gecko?
  • There’s this new video game coming out…can you buy it?

  I was preparing myself to say no to whatever request he was about to ask. To my surprise he asked for something else.

  Dating advice.

  Record scratches.

  What?

  Just last year girls were gross, rude and mean. Now he wants advice about dating them?  To say I wasn’t prepared for that question was an understatement.  I needed a few minutes to contemplate my answer, but with him,  an answer needs to be supplied immediately.  So I thought about it for all of 5 seconds. I thought about what I wanted to hear when I was his age, then I thought about what I learned and what I’m still learning along the way.

  His first question was about a friend he has a crush on. He didn’t know whether he should ask her “out” or just remain friends.  I’m not really sure what he meant by “out”, because there’s not so much a 13 year can do besides the movies and the mall, but I didn’t bring up that issue.  I asked him if there were any ‘signs’ that she may be interested in more than a friendship type of way, because sometimes people can misinterpret signals. I didn’t want him to answer the question, but to just think about it to himself and pay attention to their interactions at school.  If he felt that there was something “more” there, then maybe he should simply ask her to the movies and see what she says.  But if she turns him down, don’t be disappointed because you can still be friends, without the whole dating aspect.

  I think if kids are taught early that men and women can be platonic friends, there won’t be 50,000 blog posts 10 years from now with people asking “Can Men & Women Really Just Be Friends?”. Because we all know that horse has been beaten to death.

  There were other questions he asked, but I’ll save those for later.

  Hopefully he wont end up scarred for life from my advice.

   

  1 Comment / me, parenting / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet

• March 22, 2012

  Be Safe, Young Man

  

  My morning routine  during the work week  is pretty typical. I’m usually up by 5:30 a.m. and my son usually drags himself out of the bed by 6:30 a.m. There’s always a constant, “Kobe, hurry up and get dressed” yell coming from my bedroom. Unlike myself, he’s not a morning person. Usually, on a good day, we’re out of the house by 7:15 and I drive him to school, but this morning he wanted to walk. I don’t live in what some may describe as a ‘bad’ neighborhood. Columbia, Maryland has it’s fair share of crime, that usually includes home break-ins & robberies, but you rarely hear about murder and violent crimes happening. With all of that said, I’m still cautious when it comes to my son.

  Anyone who knows my son, knows he’s the complete opposite of me.  He’s the extrovert to my pseudo-introvertness. He’s the optimist to my pessimism. My son refuses to speak ill of people, even when those same people have spoken ill of him.  I occasionally ask myself at times, “Where did this kid come from?”. Our relationship isn’t filled with the typical parent/child dynamics.  He’s his own person with his own opinions. I give him certain freedoms that most parents wouldn’t think of.  The only thing I hold a tight reign on is his clothing.  He still hasn’t figured out that you can’t wear two different plaid patterns.  We talk about everything and he’s not afraid to ask me a question, and I never shy away from giving him answers.   I remember shortly after turning 11, he ran into my bedroom to inform me about his first ejaculation.  I looked from behind my book, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I hope you didn’t touch the doorknob”. All he could do was laugh, but he did say no.

  This morning, after he asked if he could walk to school, I was hit with a very melancholy feeling. I didn’t want to say no to his request, because I didn’t want him to think I was treating him like a baby, because after all he’ll be 13 in May.  It was at that moment when I realized why I always made it a point to drop him off to school every day.  As a parent, you never realize what will happen to your child after they leave your presence. You never know what’s lurking around the corner.  During our 3 minute ride from the  house to the front of his school, we talk. We say our “I love yous” and wish each other a great day. Before he leaves my car, we give each other kisses on the cheek.  He acts like he hates it when I grab his face, but deep down inside, I know he loves it.

  My son is my world, just as Trayvon Martin was his parents world. Sure we have our parent/child arguments.  Of course I’d love it if he was getting a higher grade in Science this marking period, but if something every happened to him, I probably wouldn’t know what I would do. This morning, Insanity Report, tweeted about how well Trayvon’s parents are holding up in the light of  events from the past month.  I could only hope to be that strong.

  This is why I make an effort to take my son to school in the morning, this is why I make an effort to make sure I let him know how much I love him after I drop him off at school, even though just about every morning we argue about his clothes.  Although, I share a lot with my son in regards to things and people he should watch out for, I try not to tarnish his optimism. This morning we didn’t get to have our talk. I watched him & his backpack run out of our condo’s parking lot.  I got into my car and caught up with him before he crossed the street. I yelled, “Be safe, young man” and he said he loved me.

  Not to long ago  I received a text message from my son and he asked if he could attend the Trayvon Martin rally this weekend in DC.  He went on to say that he knows why I don’t like him walking to school alone or staying out late at night, because of who/what he might encounter and he wants to march in honor of Trayvon and his parents. Before I answered his question, I asked him where was he texting me from, because phones were not allowed in the classroom. He said the bathroom stall, yeah, I forgot who I was dealing with.  This weekend, my son will march in honor of Trayvon and his parents.

  My kid is amazing, just in case you were wondering.

  11 Comments / parenting / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet

• March 6, 2012

  Courage Is The Power To Let Go Of The Familiar

  

  

  This past weekend on my flight back from California, I found myself flipping through the USAirways magazine, which is something I never do. I truly hate touching those magazines because there’s no telling how many dirty hands have grazed them. As I’m flipping through the magazine, I came across a quote by Raymond Irving Lindquist. Read more

  6 Comments / me, Recent / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet

• February 10, 2012

  This Father Is Now An Asshole Because He Shot Up His Bratty Daughter’s Laptop?

  

  

  One of the toughest jobs in the world is being a parent.  Ironically, it’s the one job where you don’t receive a salary & there’s definitely no 401k. You spend countless minutes, hours, days, years providing for your child and trying to raise them in the way you want to see them go. No matter how much hard work that goes into raising a child, ultimately, one can never be sure what type they’re going to end up with.  Read more

  6 Comments / parenting, Recent / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet

• December 13, 2011

  I Was A Poor Black Kid

  

  

  This morning I read Forbes contributor, Gene Marks’ piece, “If I Was A Poor Black Kid”. Marks’ a self-described, “middle aged white guy who comes from a middle class white background” gives his blueprint on how poor black children can better themselves, given their circumstances.   Since he is a technology contributor, it would make sense that most of this suggestions focus on how poor black children should use technology to their advantage. He also feels that more poor black children should take the initiative to apply to charter & private schools as well, to get a better education.

  Could it all be so simple? Apparently through Marks’ rose colored glasses it is, but in all actuality, as a former poor black kid I know it isn’t.

  See the thing about these poor black kids, is that they come from poor black families. Most of these children have parents that barely have an education beyond high school. There’s the saying, “Each One Teach One”, if their parents weren’t  taught, how could they possibly teach their own? Marks  suggests the use of technology in aiding poor black children. When I was a kid, technology wasn’t something that was readily available. In our classes in middle school we had a few Apple II computers,  at home my version of technology was a typewriter & calculator.  It wasn’t until I was in high school that we had our first computer in the house. The same exists today. How many poor black families can afford to have technology in the home? Have you seen the cost of a Macbook?  Sure, a lot of schools in poverty stricken areas have “some” form of technology, but 3 computers to every 10 students isn’t much.  What happens after school?  Schools aren’t allowing children to check out Macbooks like library books, that’s for sure.  So those websites that he list in his article are moot, after the school bell rings.

  Marks also touches on the subject of private schools & charter schools, options which he states poor black children should take advantage of.  He did mention how charter schools were competitive to get into, but what he fails to realize is that all charter schools aren’t created equal. Some of them have sub-par standards like a lot of public schools. Then there’s the private school issue. Once again, these poor black kids come from poor black households, even if 60% of the tuition is being paid by scholarships, where might these parents get the other funding? Sure, lets start families off on  loans (if they can get approved for them) to pay for  a secondary school education so by the time college rolls around, how much less will they be able to afford?  Fortunately I had the opportunity to attend the largest high school in New Jersey, Elizabeth High School. Although EHS was in an ‘urban’ area, it afforded students the opportunity to excel in either academics or a technical trade.  Through Advance Placement classes, extra-curricular activities and the help of the guidance counselors,  the senior graduating class typically had about 900+ students. Most of these students either went on to college, the military or a technical school. I have plenty of friends from high school that grew up poor, that are now doctors, attorneys, and even educators in the same high school & district they graduated from.

  It’s always easy to make suggestions when you’re on the other end of the spectrum.  Being poor isn’t just a state of mind, that you can easily escape with technology and a charter school. If a child’s parents are barely making ends meet, being poor is about survival and in some cases education is a second thought.  There are plenty of single & married parent households that are barely surviving  in this economy. The saying goes is that you’re one paycheck away from being broke or homeless. Well, what about the people that are still broke, even when they receive that one paycheck?  I’d be interested in knowing how many poor black kids Marks come across during the day as a “middle aged white guy who comes from a middle class white background”.  How many of these poor black kids has he mentored or maybe donated a piece of technology to? How many supplies has he donated to public and charter schools? Even in my son’s suburban middle school, not a month goes by where the principal isn’t looking for supply donations, so I can only imagine what’s going on in urban schools.  I’m sure if he polled some of these kids, and offer these suggestions to them face to face, they’d give him the same look that I gave him as I was reading his piece.

  Comments Off / Recent / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet

• October 23, 2011

  Missing & Black: Jahessye Shockley

  

  

  Three years ago, I stood inside the Willis Tower, formerly known as the Sears Tower, in downtown Chicago. I was in the area on a business trip and I was also joined by a close friend of mine. As we’re taking photos from the tower, I received a phone call from my sister in Maryland, who was watching my son while I was traveling. Within in seconds into the phone call, my heart sunk. I started to hyperventilate and shake. She called to let me know that my son (9 yrs old), nephew (10 yrs old) and cousin (7 yrs old) were missing and she couldn’t find him. His cell phone was going straight to voice-mail, and she hadn’t heard from them in hours.  All I could think of was how fast I could get back to Maryland from Chicago.  My friend saw the panic in my face and hailed the first taxi to the hotel. In the taxi I called every parent’s phone number that I had.  No one saw either of them.  Once we arrived back to the hotel, the police and my aunt were already at the house, questioning my sister.  All I could think of was the fact that 3 little black kids were missing and how historically there has always been a lack of media coverage in cases of missing black kids. To make a long story short, eventually my son and his minions arrived home from a friend’s house. Apparently, they lost track of time and didn’t realize how late it was.  When I got the call that everything was ok with them, I was relieved, but I also knew a few kids had some explaining to do.

  I was one of the lucky ones.   I didn’t have to rely on the local police or media to aid in finding a missing child. Unlike Jahessye Shockley’s family, from the Glendale, Arizona area, I didn’t have to bear witness to the lack of media coverage after their child had been missing for over two weeks.  This is not the first time the media has neglected a child of color when it came to alerting the public.  A few months ago I wrote about  Phylicia Barnes, a teen that went missing while visiting family in Baltimore.  Two months later, I wrote about her again. Weeks later, they found her dead, about 100 miles away from where she was abducted, and they still haven’t found the person responsible for her murder.

  

  Unfortunately, Jahessye Shockley’s life hasn’t been a crystal stair. There are reports surfacing that her mother, Jerice Hunter, has a history of child abuse and neglect and served half of an eight year sentence for child abuse & endangerment.  Regardless of the circumstances surrounding Jahessye’s life with her biological mother, the fact still remains that immediate media coverage is pivotal in locating missing children. Jahessye  Shockley was last seen by her three older siblings at her Glendale home while their mother was running an errand. Police  say that she may have left through the apartment door, that was left unlocked. Currently, there are no suspects or leads, but Jerice Hunter, feels as though she’s being treated as a suspect. ”They’re treating me like that – the interrogations and the way I’ve been spoken to,” Jerice Hunter said in an interview with the Associated Press.

   

  One has to think, if Jahessye was a blond haired, blue eyed little white girl would her image and details of her kidnapping  have been splattered across every news media outlet within 24 hours of her being reported missing. Unlike Jaycee Duggard,  Natalee Hollaway, Caylee Anthony or Polly Klaas, black children gone missing have received little or no “fan fare” from mainstream media.  Getting the word out about a missing black child currently relies heavily on social media. A black child’s photo is reblogged, facebooked & tweeted 1000′s of times before mainstream media takes notice.  Thankfully, these outlets are at people’s disposal, because without them, no one would even know a black child has gone missing.

  5 Comments / family, parenting, Recent / Yesha Callahan

  Like / Tweet