I Used Perfect365 to Make Steve Bannon Look Like a Kinder, Gentler Racist P.O.S.
What a difference a little Perfect365 makes. If you’re not familiar with the app, you apparently don’t spend a lot of time on Instagram. It’s what those perfect faces are made of. A little lift here. A little blurring of the under-eye lines there, and bam. Instant facelift. So I decided to put the app to good use and give Steve Bannon a little help.
Here we have Bannon, a known white supremacist, and Puppet President’s right hand man. I figured I’d clean him up a bit, since the last photoshopped photo of Bannon got his fans’ underwear into an alt-right position and squeezed their prostates too much! So I figured I’d do right by Bannon, and give him another alternative-face.
I tried really, really hard to get rid of those blotches, and fix up his skin. I lightened it a little to get rid of that forever-jaundiced look and smoothed out some of those hateful imperfections.
Bannon has more bags under his eyes than Shop Rite, so I delicately removed some of puffiness.
Liquor isn’t good for the whites of your eyes. So I brightened those up a bit too and kinda gave him a wide-eyed deer caught in headlights look, that screams “I’m not evil”.
Fat white men with rosy cheeks seem to be popular around Christmas. So, bam! Rosy cheeks.
Although he has his lips in that “I don’t really have lips” form, I gave him a smile. A smile makes the hate look a little less “hateful”.
Didn’t bother touching the eyebrows. Those bushy things are en vogue. Why ruin perfection?
I really wanted to give him that chic neo-nazi hair cut that Richard Spencer rocks, but it wouldn’t do the shape of his face any good. So I didn’t bother touching the greasy grays.
That forever bloated look he has was trimmed down a bit, and I gave him a more svelte looking face. Well, I still wanted him to be recognizable, so I didn’t de-fatten it that much, because he was really starting to look like Rosie O’Donnell.
I tried to give him a more narrow nose, and get rid of that red stuff that was going on. No telling how many years of coke is corroding the insides though.
In an attempt to photoshop his insides, I discovered a lot of bile. Presumably a back up of hate, and more hate. Typically this happens when you want cleanse the world and have just one pure white race. The bile eventually tries to make its way to the surface, and in return, you look just as bad on the outside, as you do the inside. There’s no amount of photoshop that can help that. But there’s one silver lining, eventually the hate that you harbor, kills you.