men parenting women

Single Women With Children, Stop Bringing Men Home To Meet Your Children

8 Comments

There are a few ground rules that I follow when it comes to dating and being a single parent.

  • I don’t bring dates home
  • I don’t let a date pick me up from my house.
  • If said date has children, I’m not interested in meeting them or even talking about them
  • If it goes from dating to a full blown relationship, I don’t introduce the man  to my son, until MONTHS (occasionally a year) later.

I’ve always been a private person when it comes to my personal life, even if someone happens to be a part of said personal life. It can be difficult when it comes to dating, partially because I am raising a child on my own. I always make sure to point out my rules to any potential man that I date, just so there aren’t any misunderstandings between us.

The last serious relationship I was in was almost two years ago. For the most part, during our courtship my ex was stationed overseas in Iraq, so the idea of him meeting my son really wasn’t something I was worried about. It was a fairly new thing before he left for Iraq, and I continued to look at it as something new while he was there. Practically before my eyes, his tour of Iraq was over, and we became engaged.  I’m not sure if I was caught up in the moment from his return from Iraq, or what, but I thought to myself, “Damn, now I have to introduce him to my son.”  Yeah, I know.  Too late to be worried about that.

My son knew of “Adrian” from the countless phone calls from me and even the phone calls my son answered, but he had never met Adrian or even seen him in person. So a year later, it came time to introduce the two of them.  Anyone who knows my son knows he’s pretty protective of me, but he’s not going to be rude and give anyone the stare down either.  During the introduction, we all sat around the TV, shared pizza and played video games. It was pretty low-key and went smoothly. My son gave him two thumbs up.

Well, as irony would have it, a few months later the engagement was broken off  crazy ass motherfucker he turned out to be and Adrian became public enemy number one in my eyes.  Between the first meeting and the subsequent break up, Adrian and my son didn’t have that much interaction motherfucking hindsight is 20/20, which I’m pretty glad about.

I think women who date and are single parents need to be more careful when it comes to picking dating prospects and introducing them to their children.  I’ve even heard a lot of my male friends tell me that if a woman introduces her children to them too soon, it’s always a red flag to them.  Similar has also come from a male friend of mine who’s a single parent, he doesn’t introduce anyone to his children if he doesn’t plan on investing into a serious relationship with her.

If you’re a single parent and dating (even if you aren’t), when do you think it is appropriate to introduce your child to the person you’re involved with?

8 comments

  1. see this scars me… because as my screen name suggests I will be single soon and I will be a single mother of a beautiful daughter. I want to have a healthy dating/ social life and learn how to properly discuss/ bring up/ or even mention that 1- I am divorced and 2 I have a child… it makes me nervous because I am young and most men in my age range are probably far from ever being married (though some may have plenty of kids *side eye* ) … I’m bookmarking this post because I need a constant reminder of the importance of being a private person and most important protecting my daughter/family. Things will change very soon… and so will how I interact with others- it’s time I get it together and be ready to put that guard up! Thanks Fungke.

  2. Exactly, you don’t want your children exposed to all of that. Even getting attached to someone that you may or maynot be with. It’s just not healthy for the children.

  3. I’m not a mom (thought I’d say that first…lol) But, I totally agree. From the standpoint of having been a child to a single mom, I hated that the few relationships my mom had after she and my dad broke up affected me. I missed one dude so badly I cried and was mad at my mom for a long time. I didn’t know WHY they broke up…but, I remember that it affected me enough so that even now I bring him up. “I wonder where Clarence is…”
    Not only does it affect them by being present to see however many people come in and out (inconsistency). It makes mom/dad look unstable and as the kid[s] get older…promiscuous. Especially if you’re trying to instill any religion into them…how do you explain the dudes making mom’s bed springs squeak…who ISN’T married to her? So many different reasons to keep your relationship at bay. I mean, how often do we as adults get into relationships and find ourselves 2-3yrs in finding out that he’s an asshole, a stalker, a perv, etc.?
    So yea…what she said. LOL

  4. I am a single dad raising a young teenage daughter. I agree with your friend that said too early an intro to a woman’s children is a red flag. So is a woman trying to meet my daughter too quickly. I don’t have a timetable, it is more of a feel thing but it is important to make sure that the adult relationship is on solid ground and we have a future before any introductions are made.

  5. Yep. My FI ex – wife, who mooches off her parents, uses her daughter as leverage to get what she wants then pulls her away. Telling her he hates them. Then has every man she decides to be in a relationship with play daddy. And encourages her to call them daddy then wonders why her daughter is so upset when the man splits. She actually called saying she was asking for her daddy. Soon as my fiancé gets on the phone with her she started screaming at her mother calling her a liar she was expecting the man that left her. Sad! So then the mother carried on blowing up FI phone calling him baby and they miss him, poor man didnt know what to do! The second he tells her he is happy where he is she turns into the wicked witch and punishes him with their daughter. A week later bam she got with another ex and a new daddy. Painful to watch just a pitiful mess and disgrace to women. It’s a revolving door of ex lovers with that child with child. I was a single parent my son meet one of my boyfriend but thought he was a friend because we were friends for yrs before we got together. But I’ve had many days single and content and don’t mind it at all. I can understand mistakes, I’ve made my share as a new parent, but some people are downright selfish and only think of themselves it’s so pitiful. I have deep respect for women who respect themselves their children and have high morals. There are not enough it seems. Stay proud stay the strong women and single mother your children will honor and respect! A man worth anything would be proud to be with you. My hats off to you! Some mothers might as well let their parents raise their children to be honest.

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